(Photograph courtesy: Tumuluru Kumar)

Marriage is like milk and sugar. Men are the milk, ladies are the sugar. Milk by itself is just protein. Sugar alone is just taste. They must be mixed together to give both taste and protein. In the Hindu culture, the wife is called half of the husband. Wife is called Ardhangi. Marriage is a sacred bond and it is a promise you are making to each other because the wife is half husband and the husband is half of the wife. Half plus half is not two but one. Selflessness is God. The self which is selfless is God. To feel ‘mine’ and ‘thine’ is ego. Ego is very harmful. It is to kill the ego that two souls are brought together. They can learn to adjust to one another and forget their egos. Marriage means your life, a whole lifetime together, not just a few days or a few weeks, or a few years. Marriage is a training ground for fostering transsensual love.

Life is like a ring. The ring is the heart; when that is given, the gift is the heart itself. That is the sacred bond. Today there is the tendency of separation, not coming together. Life is full of troubles and challenges. We should not separate ourselves because of these but rather face them together. Now when trouble comes, even if it is small, it separates us. That should not be the tendency, one should give one’s heart to another. (GA, pp. 140-143)

Marriage is the joining together or bringing together of a man and a woman for the sake of progeny. People should exercise discipline and control in married life. That is why it is said ‘Na sreyo niyamam vina’ (there can be no glory or achievement without discipline).

Before marriage, he is half body. Before marriage, she is half body. Lady is always left side. Right side is gents. The gent’s body is always the right side of the wife. Now you have only one body. In Indian philosophy or custom this is called ardhangi. Ardha means half. Wife before marriage is only ardhangi, half body. Now the left side is joined with the right side and you are full body. In the future, husband’s troubles are wife’s troubles and wife’s troubles become the husband’s. It is like, if one part of the body is paralysed, the other part of the body feels the paralysis. And so, your wife must feel your pains and you must feel her pains. Both of your pains are removed by Swami. Husband should help the wife and wife should help the husband. Sometimes, it is natural for you to have adjustment and understanding. First you must understand each other. After that, adjustment will be easy. First understanding. Second adjustment. Ninety percent of people try adjustment first. This is wrong way around. First understanding. (VS, pp. 129-130)

Marriage means your life, a whole lifetime together, not just a few days or a few weeks, or a few years. Marriage is a training ground for fostering tran-sensual love. (Div, p. 46)

King Janaka was similarly a seeker after Brahmajnana (the Supreme Truth). He sought knowledge for the sake of Self-Realisation and not for the sake of creature comforts. He held an assembly of sages where he achieved fame. At the assembly Gargi carried on a debate with the sage Yajnavalkya. The debate was based on the scriptures. It was inconclusive. Then Gargi put a question to King Janaka: ‘What is the mark of a Sthitaprajna?’ (a person of steadfast Awareness). The King replied: ‘He is the one who realises the Oneness of the Absolute. There is no second.’ Gargi said: ‘If you have realised this state of Awareness, you will be conscious of Oneness alone. You are not in that state now. I wish to realise this Awareness.’

Gargi said: ‘Oh King! I have one desire. Will you fulfil it?’ ‘Certainly,’ replied the king. She asked him to marry her. The King said: ‘I have only one wife, Sunetra (the one with good eyes). I don’t wish to have any other wife.’ Gargi said: ‘You are a great Jnani. You have good eyes and your queen is a good-eyed lady.

May I ask what reward you are giving to the great Yajnavalkya?’ The King said: ‘I shall give him whatever he asks.’ Yajnavalkya was no doubt a great scholar but he did not have total sense control. Yajnavalkya asked the king again: ‘Give this Gargi to me in marriage. Celebrate our wedding.’ There was a great uproar in the audience-hall. The great scholars present there asked: ‘What is the meaning of Yajnavalkya’s request?’ Gargi then asked Yajnavalkya: ‘What is the purpose of a marriage?’ Yajnavalkya replied: ‘To have progeny.’ Gargi said: ‘No, The wife is one-half of the husband, Ardhangi. This means that she should pursue Dharma together with the husband as a Dharmapatni (a righteous wife). Marriage is for the sake of pursuing Dharma. It is not for enjoying worldly pleasures. Our emperor enjoys carnal pleasures in his palace. The same pleasures are experienced by street dogs. Is that happiness?’

Tyagaraja asked: ‘Is wealth the source of happiness or serving the Lotus feet of Rama?’ Students should ask themselves: ‘Does happiness consist in the acquiring of degrees or getting good jobs or attaining high positions? Real happiness consists in the acquisition of wisdom. However, till that wisdom is got, one should try to live in the world with morality and integrity. That should be the aim, while living in the world. Keep your vision on the Divine and lead your life in the world. This is the teaching of Sai. (SSS Vol.29, pp. 93-94)

Mutual relationship must be based on trust and faith. When a girl is married, she leaves her parents, house, brothers, sisters etc., and ties her future with an alien unknown person. So there is faith and trust. The husband must ensure that she remains happy. There should never be tears in her eyes. Marriage is a mutual bond in which wife too must fully dedicate herself to the happiness of her husband. The husband must take his wife into confidence in all financial matters, income and expenditure. Nowadays men do not even share information with their wives. (M, p. 45)

In India, at the age of 60, people have a second maarraige as rebirth of the marriage into spiritual life directd to God and not concerned with the senses. Prior to to the age of 60, the couple were entitiled to enjoy the fruits of senses. Seven has also has a significance. There are seven great rishis and at the age of 70, a person should be merged with these saints. There are eight Deities reigning over the directions. At the age of 80, we shuld be merged with these Deities. There are nine special planets, at the age of 90, we should be merged with them. At the age of 100, one should be master of the five working organs and five sense organs and should be merges with God. The five five working organs are talking, taking, walking, rejecting,(excrement) and eating. The five sense organs are hearing, touch, sight, taste and smell. (SA Vol.3, p. 105)

Marriage is the union of body, mind and soul. The right side of the wife is the husband, and the left side of the husband is the wife. In grihastha Dharma the duties are as follows: first the husband, then the world and then God. In Sannyasa the duty is the first towards God, then the world and lastly oneself. Work is worship and duty itself is God. The wife is the Lakshmi of the house. She must always be smiling and radiating love – this is beauty, not hair-styles.

Before marriage it is ‘matru devo bhava, pitru devo bhava’, but afterwards it is the wife’s duty to look after the mother-in-law and father-in-law. Even though the wife has to obey the husband, the wife too can exercise authority jointly with him. All acts of charity must be done together. The wife must develop Self-confidence, for Self-confidence is the basis for Self-realization which is the goal of life. (TLL)

Marriage is the medium God uses for teaching and training mankind in morality, manners, discipline, achieving harmony with others, parenting and devotion. (LS, p. 119)